My amazing chiropractor looked me in the eye at the end of my healing session today and told me what she sees: A resourced, competent woman who — now that the buyout agreement is signed — has the time and means to find the next right place to live with ease and with grace. My shoulders sank a bit (instead of being up around my ears), my tight chest opened like a lotus, and I breathed my next breath differently than I had been — for days and days. I remembered that all is already well, and that I can enjoy this journey.
“No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth.”
― Martha Beck
I’ve been struggling and so stressed as I moved through this journey of first learning that I have to move and then negotiating the buyout with my landlady (in case you’re new to the story, you can read more here, here, here, and here).
Even though I was able to stay outwardly calm, what I’m owning up to today is that I reacted inside. I got more and more fearful and more and more stressed. It showed in my body — recurrence of my digestive symptoms and joint pain. It showed in my inability to sleep well.
The first thing that’s helping to bring me to healing is realizing that I now have a very favorable signed agreement that allows me up to six months to find a beautiful place to live. I am no longer paying rent, which will help me with moving expenses, and the sooner I find a place, the more I will receive as a buyout. This is very good! All I need to do is to finally sever the cords that are holding me in fear and resentment that this is happening at all.
I am grateful to remember what is true, and to invite love, even here, even now, even when things are uncertain.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”
— Brene Brown
My version of running away from what is keeps me stuck in resentment and disappointment. So stuck, I forget to breathe. So stuck I forget to use the powerful tools I have learned (and that I teach!) that allow me to remember that there is room for love in any situation. So frickin’ stuck I forget that I am wrapped in the love and safety of the Divine. I forget to be grateful!
So, right here and right now I own this. I own this moment in my story. I own it radically, knowing that even if I didn’t get this really wonderful agreement signed I’d still be okay, just fine, good to go. It’s my story, these changes — like all changes — are gifts full of opportunities for me to be my best self. I am standing tall (and breathing! and grateful!) in my story just as it is.
I am grateful because I remember that I am loved and held and safe and that there is much fun to be had as I write this next chapter of my life.
Everyone is flailing through this life without an owner’s manual, with whatever modicum of grace and good humor we can manage.”
— Anne Lamott
I know that I do have an owner’s manual now, a beautiful one that contains all the wonderful teachings I have been lucky to learn along the way. What keeps me flailing is that I keep forgetting I have this manual! When I get scared enough, or stressed enough, I seem to forget everything good and hold on tight instead to my agonies. Well, today I have stopped flailing and have returned to my sovereign self. I have remembered what is true and released for the moment those thoughts that will (no joke) kill me if I let them.
I am grateful to feel ease and relaxation and openness as I take the next steps on this journey.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
I for one am very grateful for this energy, as I have plenty and more plenty to do in the coming months. Yes, I did not do my usual Full Moon post this time; please forgive me!
(If you’re in a hurry you can skip directly to my “Housing Wanted” listing further down the page by clicking here. Warning fair (as the emcee sings in “Cabaret”: If you do, you’ll miss out on some really good stuff!)
My daughter Rose (the photographer of the images here) spent the night Saturday so we could get up early and do some tidepooling at Fitzgerald Preserve (there are always very low tides around the Solstices). I woke up even earlier than I planned, inspired to put together some supplies for a ritual in the Cypresses just up the hill from the beach.
I raided my stashes of magical supplies. I painted rocks and feathers red and gold. I cut some red and gold cords, and pulled red and gold strands of Mardi Gras beads. Six of everything.
(I even dressed in red and gold as you can see in the photo.)
Rose and I split the stash and each walked alone “Solstice bombing” the grove, stating our prayers, wishes, requests, and intentions with each item we left behind. We placed rocks on the ground and feathers in the tree bark. We tied cords to tree trunks and wove the beads around fence posts and bench slats.
With everything I placed, I asked for help. I asked to be led to my next beautiful home. I asked for clarity. I asked for ease. I asked to be released from fear and struggle.
And now I get to ask you!
Right? Think about it. Everything you do when you have a conscious contact with Source goes better than when you don’t.
As it says in the Kabbala: “Beside every blade of grass is an angel saying “Grow, grow, grow.”
What’s your experience like with asking for help? I’d love to know; please leave a comment below.
Here’s the text of the listing that I am will be linking to as I post my “Housing Wanted” everywhere. At least it’s the listing as I know it to be so far. Ideas keep coming to me, and I certainly don’t want to leave anything out! I will be updating here as things change. Here we go:
I am a positive, healthy, responsible, loving, and heart-centered business coach and branding/web designer looking for my next amazing live/work situation and I think you might be able to help me find it! Please take 5 minutes to read through my post and share with me any ideas, leads, suggestions and referrals that come up for you. And of course pass this on if you know of someone who might have an opening or know of one!
Some of these are must-haves, some are nice-to-haves; a good combination will light me up and have me signing a rental agreement as fast as possible!
I don’t know what combination of features will combine to create the home I choose. What I do know is that I can have what I want even if I don’t know what it all looks like.
This place I rent — where I’ve lived and worked for over eight years — is being sold by my landlady to her family. I am negotiating a timeline and buyout with her right now; it looks like I have the rest of this year to move but the terms of the buyout make it better for me to leave as quickly as I can. I’m looking now and will be ready to move by August 31, 2015.
Now that you know what I’m looking for, do any leads, suggestions, or referrals come up for you? Please get in touch and I will follow up! (510) 698-6245. Or even better: email. And send pictures if you can!
The biggest gift I’ve received in dealing with this latest unexpected and uninvited change: finding out that acting from my heart opens up the space for me to be just as joyful and positive as I am when things are going the way I’d like.
I’ve learned how to make the act of selling my services sacred in my business — by standing in humility and leading from love. I can apply the same principles now — I can negotiate from the heart — when faced with having to leave the place I’ve lived and worked for over eight years. This week, it was time for me to put a counterproposal together as a response to my landlord’s first offer. Here are some of the things I learned and practiced that allowed me to step away from fear and stress and stand tall in love and faith as I crafted, edited, finalized, and sent the proposal.
I even set it up like a contract and electronically signed my portion! Way to set a positive intention!
I prayed, I blessed the email, I blessed myself and I let it go.
Then (nothing but honesty here, no matter how embarrassing), I found myself expecting to hear my landlord screaming (she lives in screaming distance of my place) “Are you nuts? What makes you think I would agree….? You know how these monkeys do their thing, so skillful!
Every time I caught myself hanging out in this misery — which is really inviting a negative outcome — I would put my hands over my heart, breathe deeply, and step back into trust.
I got a reply from her this morning. She said:
I am a bit distracted today [her niece is in labor with her first child]. I confirm receipt of your offer and will work with you to achieve an acceptable conclusion of our agreement. I need a couple of days to think this out…will be back with you on this early next week. Again, I am happy and proud that we have come this far toward reaching an agreement and am certain we can move forward…just need a little time.
No screaming. No “Are you crazy?” Or “How dare you!”
Not only is negative projection not worth it, I believe from my own personal experience that the more positive and loving you are, the more you can rock any kind of change. Flip side? — the more you hang out in negativity, the darker will be your experience all the way through your journey.
Look — I still don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if more negotiation is going to have to happen. What happens next doesn’t matter, because I know what to do in any circumstance. Woot!
Are you finding it hard to figure out what to do, and in what order? I get it. I so get it!
First, stop, get grounded, and connect with your heart and with the Divine, however that manifests for you. Then have a look at my coaching program. Drop me a line (email@example.com), and we’ll get on the phone, and see if I can help. I am here to support you.
When the steps you take, the decisions you make, and the outcomes are unclear, how do you stay grounded, how do you wrap yourself in ease, and how do you claim and own the joy in the journey?
I’m in a transition. Change is happening — unexpected and unrequested. Big change. I have to move my home and office and I don’t know where I’ll end up or how I’ll get there.
I’ve been moving through the stages of change and it hasn’t been pretty. I’ve been significantly less than graceful. I admit it. Resistance. Anger. Sadness. Self-pity. Seeing this change as a heavy burden. When I began to take action, I did so with conditions. “It should be this way.” “It should look like this.”
It has taken some time (and I’m not fully cooked, this is a process!) to even consider embracing this change, and accepting the mystery of this journey with an open and joyful heart.
Here’s where I am today:
Did I leave anything out? Are there any practices that have served you well in times of change? Please share in the comments!
It can feel like the Gemini twins are pulling you in more than one direction. Here’s the good news: that same energy allows you to expand and consider different options — options that may seem baffling, even contradictory on the surface.
For me this manifests as being able to pursue these options (and these are just the ones I know about already!):
How will you intentionally shift away from what’s holding you back and begin to feel the joy in the journey, yes, even if….? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
It’s time for me to move from this place where I live and work, where I’ve been for eight-plus years. Although I didn’t choose this path, I am now so on it!
I don’t know where I’m going to end up, and that frequently (five or eleven times a day) fills me with stress and fear. I can’t see what’s going to happen. I am so far outside of my comfort zone!
One huge thing that grounds me in this now moment (and the next) is to connect with and express gratitude. Yes, even for this. Even though this calls for big-girl-panties gratitude. Gratitude even if. Gratitude no matter what. Conditional gratitude just doesn’t cut it in this situation. Actually conditional gratitude isn’t gratitude at all. As I keep learning, over and over and over again!
I’d guess that almost half the posts in this blog are about gratitude even when things are tough (just two examples: here and here). And here I am again! Gratitude even if, gratitude no matter what. Sometimes the fog I think I’m in on the outside also fogs my memory. Gratitude? What are you saying?
Luckily I am easily reminded, and 99% of the time, I can turn on a dime and connect with my gratitude again.
This is so not what I wanted to hear! Moses told me what another relo astrologer told me five minutes into a phone call — there is no place in California — and certainly not the Bay Area — that is good for me to live. Cluless me! I was hoping to hear something about how important it was for me to find a place close to the ocean. Or that I should move up north closer to the first-growth redwoods.
(Overly?) practical woman that I am, I was skeptical about this information until we talked about the dates. I moved to Oakland in ’05. I got sick with the first three-year round of this serious digestive disease within two months of moving here. This coincided with my mother’s death and I always have attributed my illness to my grief. There are stressors in my Oakland chart that make health, life, and business challenges even more challenging.
The only western hemisphere areas that ease up the stressors are Austin, Ciudad del Carmen in Mexico, Kauai, and Maui! Like I said, stunned.
But — this is the truth — my tender heart is wondering what it would be like to live in a place where I could experience more ease, fewer challenges. Where I could be of more service, have more ease in my relationships, and thrive thrive thrive!
Today, I don’t think I’m moving directly to Hawaii or Austin from this spot. Today I think that I’ll move from here to another local place, continuing to meet challenges with serenity as best I can, and start planning the next, more intentional move.
That’s what I’m thinking anyway (ahhh, thinking!). But I remember that I don’t have to think my way to the solution, and I don’t get to see today what’s beyond the fog and mist, what’s at the end of the endless flights of steps. I don’t know, and maybe I’m just not supposed to know. Maybe I’m just supposed to give thanks and keep moving. Who knows? I’m just walking in the mist, and climbing the steps, headed for the next place to live on the journey of my highest good.
How are you meeting challenges in your business? How are you staying open and present when the path is foggy and challenging? I’d love to know; please join the conversation in the comments.
It’s time for me to find a new place to live and work.
Not by my choice.
Wait, stop! Part of what holds me back is this insistence on stamping my foot and saying it isn’t my choice! That is the last time I’m going to think and express that thought, because that thought comes from the voice of the victim. And when I’m feeling victimized I am stuck stuck stuck. So…. reboot.
It’s time for me to find a new place to live and work. My landlady is selling this place I’ve been renting and I chose not to buy it. There! That’s better.
I’ve been looking at possible places to move and bemoaning costs and what looked like unacceptable choices. Oy! I was starting to spend so much time stressed that I forgot what faith, trust, and spacious ease felt like. I was fearing that I’d have to take something that doesn’t suit me (a loud smoking and heavy-drinking neighbor overhead) because I wouldn’t be able to find anything else.
It’s all a choice. When I choose surrender, humility, and faith, it is much easier to move through the tendrils of negative thoughts that want to wrap around me as I go. When I choose to be positive, I can’t get stuck.
I may forget. I may get stuck again before all is said and done but I’m guessing I’ll be able to release and reboot quicker this time. Or I won’t. The amount I suffer is only and entirely up to me. “Said and done”? That happens when I’m dead. Having to move is a thing, yes, it’s a big thing. But it’s not the only thing. Life keeps happening, dunnit?
When I took my morning walk today in my ‘hood — west Oakland — and I passed the piles of garbage and the homeless encampment I could feel in my heart an excitement. I could end up in a higher-vibration neighborhood, and wouldn’t that be wonderful!
How are you faring in this Mercury retrograde? I’ve been finding that conversations are more transparent and loving (what I give out and also what I receive), and that my research and preliminary negotiations are smooth. Of course, I’m without my desktop computer because the hinge that holds the monitor in place (27-inch iMac) died. So there’s that. Hopefully the repair will be done soon. And hopefully that will be the extent of Mercury’s trickster gifts for me this time!
If your journey during this Mercury retrograde has you thinking about where you are in your business and wondering what you might want to rethink, review, and release, this is an especially good time to get an Astrology for Your Business reading. I have time in my schedule for one, maybe two, before Mercury is done with this retrograde journey.
Sagittarius is a fire sign — release in the flames. Light a (safe) fire or get your cauldron. Write down what’s holding you back, and commit to releasing it as you burn what you’ve written. You can do this work on your own, or in a circle of trusted friends under the light of the Moon.
Where are you today? Are you stuck? Are you freely able to release what doesn’t fit or serve any more? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
I get so much pleasure out of it, hope you will too. Here’s the link.
It’s a practice in Judaism during which you spend time each day for 49 days contemplating different spiritual lessons, each one tied to different attributes of the Kaballah. I chose to get the lessons from Rabbi Yael Levy, who sends out an email every day during the Omer with that day’s focus, meditation suggestions, prayers, and intentions.
When you start a business, you think about all the things you have to do and put in place in order to create a foundation — and you put so much work into it You put in all that work so that you can create a viable, strong, and sustainable foundation.
And yet I’ve helped many clients start and sustain their businesses.
Whether you write a business plan or not (some people like them), it’s critical for women healers and changemakers like you to have a strong spiritually connected foundation to your business, especially if you want to do the work you know you are meant to do for the people you know you are meant to serve. Without connection to Source, to the Divine, you weaken the possibility that the reality of your business match your vision. As Rabbi Levy says:
Take time to reflect on the experiences that have shaped you, the people who support you, and the values that you stand on.
She goes on to invite you to ask yourself:
Whether you’re just starting out, or tweaking or taking time to review and recommit to your business (what a great thing to do in a Mercury retrograde, just sayin’…) please consider folding in a lot of sacred connection into your foundation, and then remember to feed and water that connection as you go.
How do you stay connected to Source and the Divine? How did you ground yourself spiritually as you started (and continue in) your business? I’d love to hear from you! Talk to me in the comments.