Today I rage.
I’ll turn 70 on my next birthday if I’m meant to see November 2020.
There’s a voice that rises up in me, more and more, shouting I don’t want to live long in this badly broken world.
I reject the idea that I can have services and access that others don’t get because of the color of their skin or the place they were born. WTF? Srsly? Who sez?
I have moments of crystal clear rage.
I’ve watched the increase of dark imaginings manifested. From Columbine. Or was it Waco? Or Kent State? Too many too many too many.
an imagined state or society in which there is great suffering or injustice, typically one that is totalitarian or post-apocalyptic.
I can’t even remember all the names any more of these explosions of hate: an endless and accelerating expression of a short-sighted, selfish, and sick way of seeing humanity and this planet.
Something’s unleashed. Racist. Opportunist. Arrogant.
I heard a story I’d like to think’s apocryphal. (I’d like to think a lot of things.) “Why don’t we just let it wash over the country?” That’s what I heard attributed to the US president after he heard that the virus will mostly take out the elderly, immune-compromised, communities of color, and underserved communities.
More and more, I wonder if this dystopia-2020 is immersion in violent video games coming to life. (I’ve wondered this for decades now.) Lately I wonder if the game’s levels are achieved when you come up with a new depraved violent answer to What can we get away with next?
Like men of color chased and gunned down live. Ahmaud Arbery. Sean Reed.
Like men of color — on the job! — being beaten for asking people to mask up.
Like the Cheyenne River Sioux in North Dakota being sued by the white governor of the state for having checkpoints on their land. Remember f*cking smallpox? Remember whose land this f*cking is in the first place?
People with assault weapons and rocket launchers protesting quarantine orders? Opening up businesses that will be staffed by impacted populations of color that can’t afford health care?
There’s more. There’s so much more. On the daily.
Wake the f*ck up, people! Look where this road takes you.
I don’t want to live in the world this video game–consciousness is producing.
Tolerating, inciting, encouraging death by neglect of and direct violent acts perpetrated on populations of color.
I renounce the membership in this dystopia that the color of my skin affords me. I ref*ckingnounce it. If I survive this pandemic because I’m healthy enough, I’ll be the one screaming in the streets. Wake up. Please wake up.
Take care of yourselves enough to see yourself in the other. Take care of this planet, fools, it’s the only one we’ve got. (Space Force, ha!)
FYI I hesitated with every word in this piece. I stand for the rich experience of life in all its glory from a place of humbled recognition of our shared mad absurd existence. Shared. Not just for some of us.
I think I’m not supposed to express this. To sidestep this rage spewing because I know it’s just thought. Yes. Yes. Yes. And dead bodies are piling up. Rights are getting raped. People are being treated with arrogant contempt. And so I spew.
Enough. Basta. Dayenu.
#simplifyourlife #whileyouhaveone #simplicitea
Join me for Simplici-Tea, free, Wednesdays and Fridays. Come as you are, hopefully not as rageful as I am right now. Let’s immerse ourselves into the simple understanding of the moment, no matter what’s up for you.