You don’t have to fix yourself. Drop the armor.

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What if you don’t have to fix anything?

Now there’s an idea. You don’t have to fix yourself.

What if everything you need to feel fulfilled, okay, and happy is already present?

I’m playing with a new and — to me — revolutionary idea. Those coping mechanisms, defenses, and beliefs that you built to guard and protect you when you were small end up as a cumbersome suit of armor, but the dangers they were designed to prevent probably aren’t present today. You’re left clanking around hauling a bag of stinking thinking that informs the way you see every moment of your beautiful and messy life as it is today.

Your wholehearted seeking and desire for wholeness leads you into one idea or program after another that offers to teach you how to replace those stinking thoughts with better, more positive, and more useful ones. [Read more…]

Suicide, forgiveness, and truth

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In the aftermath of last week’s celebrity deaths by suicide…

It’s said that there are almost 45,000 suicides a year in the United States (2016 statistics).

That rate is up 25% from 1999. Quite a sobering growth rate.

Kate Spade, Tony Bourdain, and about 865 additional deaths by suicide last week in the United States alone.

I feel connected to those whose names I know and whose names I don’t; I’ve had my own dark moments of thinking — of believing! — that checking out would be the best way to get away from my tormented painful thinking about painful disappointments and failures. [Read more…]

Enough. Basta. Dayenu.

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I have become numb to the violence.

The everyday, ho-hum “So what else is new?” violence.

Or so I thought.

Numb to the mass shootings. They’ve become commonplace. I can’t believe I’m writing those words — mass shootings are commonplace.

Which has caused these words — Enough. Basta. Dayenu. — to come out of my mouth in agonized grief and frustration many times since Charlottesville. Since — Oh wait, maybe it was Orlando. I can’t keep the massacres straight any more.

How much do I love this!?! Not.At.All. I’ve become numb to it. Or so I thought. [Read more…]

Downsizing, right-sizing, letting go

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I may not have much in the way of my own words for you today, my love.

Let’s start with some words of Mary Oliver’s, words that have held me up during this move, and then we’ll see where we go from there.

(You can read the full text of “In Blackwater Woods” here, I’ve excerpted the second half of the poem — the half that speaks to me as I move through this change — in the image.)

The downsizing just doesn’t seem to have an end. Not yet anyway.

I’m still unpacking, and today is the first day I’ve actually done some work that’s not move-related in a couple of weeks. I’ve been in my new for-now home for the last four days. And while there was a ton of culling and releasing during the pack-and-prepare weeks, I didn’t get the full wallop, the full extent of letting go, until move day arrived last Monday.

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Doors close. Doors open. And yes, it can be hell in the hallway.

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Hell in the hallway.

You know that saying? The one that says:When one door closes, another one opens. But it can feel like hell in the hallway.

Yes that one.

I’ve been in what feels like a dark, chilled, unfriendly hallway for the last ten — no, eleven — days now. And it’s been awful.

My housemate gave notice on the 13th, and I’m on a clock to find a new place.

Hell in the hallway is a true description, but I’ve done enough work on myself to realize that much (all?) of the hell is of my own making.

You see, I have a lot of thoughts that are loud in my head and that keep me stuck in my familiar state of negativity. Sound familiar?

I am much more skilled at retaining the fear and negativity, and hanging out in them, than I am in embracing and wrapping myself in the good and juicy possibilities that arise.

  • I tried to negotiate with my current landlord, got myself informed of my rights, and spent a ton of energy trying to get things to go the way I thought they should.
  • Once I realized I couldn’t stay here — after receiving the certified letter announcing the 25+% rent increase — I began to look at places, and I can describe in detail the horrible, awful, creepy places that cost more to rent per month than I pay now by 25% or more.
  • My financial realities made me realize that spending a ton more on a new place in which I can live, work, and thrive makes zero sense.

I got really scared. And the fear’s invitation was irresistible. I couldn’t resist it. To the point that I was ignoring the sweet, clean, and clear possibilities that came my way.

These are the three most important tools that helped me let go of the fear and return to a place that has some ease in it.

  • Self-compassion. I have this mental image I use of putting my arm around myself in a loving compassionate way (like I would with my daughter, or a cherished friend), and saying something soothing and full of empathy. I often will cup my cheek with my hand with the most loving touch I’ve got and send that love to myself.
  • Rest and restorative practices. Get enough sleep. Eat (for the first time in my life, I am not eating enough). Meditate even if scattered. Journal even if it feels yucky. Walk and practice tai chi even if preoccupied. Play my favorite music and sing loudly and dance around.
  • Remember that my fear is a thought, and that thoughts aren’t real, and that this thought too shall pass, just like they all do. The concept of innate resilience is saving my ass once again. (See Molly’s quote below).

Moment by moment, we live in the feeling of our thinking, not our circumstances. Our resilience, wellbeing, and creativity are innate, not circumstantial. It doesn’t always feel this way; we all get caught up in the illusion of our thinking from time to time. But the more you cultivate your awareness of your fundamental, innate okayness, the more you will come to see through the ups and downs of your thought-generated experience. — Molly Gordon

This transition has brought me to my best coaching work ever.

My level of compassion is up; and the look on the face of my clients’ tells me that it’s just what is needed as they walk through the hallways they’re in right now. I have room for one or two more even now as I begin to dismantle, pack, and move. Check it out: Book a no-strings call and let’s see what’s meant to be.

Hope to see you on tomorrow’s Moon Circles call.

Once you sign up, you get membership in a secret Facebook group where you can join the conversation, get support, listen and be heard.

What’s your go-to practice when your dealing with those top-ten transitions? When you’re feeling like it’s hell in the hallway? Please let me know; leave a comment.

Gratitude even if. Gratitude no matter what.

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I have a blogging schedule. I have a marketing plan. Today’s regularly scheduled programming post was planned to be about engagement and marketing and choosing the right words (from the billion-plus we have in our language) that speak to the heart of the people I am here to serve and support.

Then Orlando happened. With a heavy heart I marched candle in hand on Sunday night with other grieving friends and community members. On that day, and since then, I’ve noticed my reaction to the normal sort of marketing emails and posts that have landed up in my inbox and feeds — they feel dissonant to me and haven’t held my attention as usual. The emails and posts that I read and responded to were the ones that were speaking to and about this tragedy.

Sometimes it’s good to step off the regular agenda and take time to stand in and speak to the moment. Today I know in my heart that it’s the right time for me to talk to you from my heart about gratitude even if, and gratitude no matter what.

Which I’m doing with you today.

I will resume talking about engagement, marketing, and business copy writing next time. Today let’s just get grateful together. Please.

Gratitude even if. Gratitude no matter what.

Gratitude even if. Gratitude no matter what.

I’ve had a gratitude practice for a long time. It’s a key part of my spiritual practice. I started writing fifteen items for which I was grateful every day in a journal almost fifteen years ago. Then I started sending my gratitude list in an email to my coach each morning. The circle expanded and I was sending that email to six or seven people every day.

When I started this blog, 800-ish posts ago, it began as a gratitude journal. I shared my daily gratitudes with the world. The blog has evolved in the nearly ten years of its life to be much more about living and being of service in a fully expressed way — integrating your passion, purpose, and prosperity into a seamless, sacred wholeness. But my gratitude practice has never stopped.

gratitude jarThe practice has circled around again to a private one. I write my gratitudes on a piece of paper (varieties of brightly colored origami paper these days) and crumple it up into a little ball and put it in my seemingly bottomless gratitude vase. Today I’m sharing my gratitude with you.

It’s easy to be grateful when things are easy, less challenging, less tragic. When you can tap into your gratitude no matter what is happening to and around you and your business, when you can tap into your gratitude through your tears and your grief, you’ll find a new ability to experience and act from a place of radical acceptance and love.

I am grateful today.

  • I am grateful that so many are safe.
  • I am grateful for the outpouring of love, solidarity, and support that fills my community and the world.
  • I  am grateful to know that grief and compassion are healing emotions.
  • I am grateful even for the anger and that feeling of being done, done, and done! with this violence because that anger spurs me to commitment and to action.
  • [and here come the hard ones] I am grateful that my daughter, who loves guns, and shooting them, does not have an assault weapon (that I know of).
  • I am grateful that my daughter and her partner are alive and safe.
  • I am grateful to know in my heart that my daughter’s path is her own, and that my work is to be a source of unconditional love for her every day.
  • I am grateful even if. I am grateful no matter what.

What prompts your gratitude today, even when grief is present?

What gratitude can you find in your heart? Let’s talk in the comments.

A glacial pace is fine; it can be a good thing!

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It’s time for me to stop worrying about the pace and enjoy the slow unfolding of my business.

  • I tend to worry — hard — about how slowly my business development proceeds.
  • I tend to conclude that I’m never going to get where I need to be, or meet my goals.
  • I tend to feel bad about the glacial pace that seems to rule my business.

developing my business at a glacial pace, and it's okay

I’m letting go of my deathgrip on these negative conclusions.

This crap I worry about is based in fear — it doesn’t serve me, which makes it harder for me to be of service to my clients and show up for my loved ones!

It takes a village, yo. I needed (and continue to need) a lot of help to shift here. It’s not easy. I am so skillful at operating from fear and negative projections that it makes it hard for me to let go and embrace compassion enough to begin to shift and change.

This question of my glacial pace became even more difficult for me when I got so sick in 2014.

Being down for so long helped me shift my priorities from work-work-work to work and wellness and rest and balance. So for over a year now I’ve been revising priorities and working a bit less than I used to, which slowed everything down even more. Even in the humility near-death can bring you, I was still able to find a way to feel fearful about taking care of me first, and then showing up for my business.

Lucky for me I have amazing friends and mentors in my business community.

Here are some of the jewels of wisdom that have been freely given to me.

First, what became the seed for the topic of this post:

Yes, you may be moving slowly, but remember, glaciers are powerful.

And these:

Your new programs are amazing, and it doesn’t matter that it’s taking you longer than you planned to launch them.

Your clients and meant-to-be clients are patient, and loving, and are ready to receive what you offer when you’re ready!

So I’ve let go.

A great deal. Maybe not 100%, but enough that these fears are not hurting me or keeping me from my work.

It feels so light and liberating to stand in compassion, to smile at my humanity, and to move on. Flawed and fabulous.

How about you? How are you doing with accepting yourself just as you are — your pace, your products, your offers, your everything? Let’s talk in the comments. Blessed be.

Eisodus or exodus? Where is your heart headed?

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Eisodus or exodus?

Eisodus or exodus?
A little disclaimer, first

There’s a whole lot of Old Testament stuff connected to these two terms (exodus and eisodus), including some that I have a lot of trouble with — cultural appropriation, genocide, and more. But as with many spiritual teachings, when I can be still, and receptive, the goodness, the universal teachings, rise to the top. That’s what I’m sharing with you today — the good stuff, the good questions, from my heart to yours.

Eisodus and exodus

I heard a talk from one of my spiritual teachers during the holidays, and he shared a concept I had never heard before — eisodus. What landed and resonated for me is the idea that, in any moment, you are either headed away from something or you are headed toward something. I felt that distinction viscerally. I felt it as two questions: Where is your heart headed? And how will you get there?

When you are in exodus, when you are headed away, you are motivated by fear in one way or another. It could be in reaction to something that someone said, or something that happened. You could be trying to find a place, or situation, where you feel safe. You could be sure that Anywhere But Here would be more comfortable than your present circumstances (kinda like the Geographic Cure that’s talked about in 12-step recovery).

When you are moving in eisodus, you are moving toward, you are connected to faith, to your heart. You are finding direction and taking actions consistent with your intentions. You are present to what is, in deep acceptance. You are connected to the Divine (however that manifests for you: God, Goddess, nature, spirit) and cloaked in the courage and safety that connection gives you.

This distinction — eisodus or exodus? — raised some loving and powerful questions.

Take some time this week with these questions. You can do some journal writing, and of course, you are invited to share what comes up for you in the comments.

  • How do you deal with unexpected upsets? How do you get past reaction and reconnect with your sacred intentions?
    In your business, this could be loss of revenue, or a client deciding to complete their work with you. Or a computer failure, or your website going down. In your beautiful life, this could be a relationship that you see is not working for you. Or it could be illness. Or you could get in a bad car accident! What works for you to move you from reaction to intention?
  • How do you soothe your tender heart when you are upset? How do you release the impulse to defend and soften into acceptance?
    In business, and in your life, when you’re upset, do you notice impatience? Do you snap at others? Or yell and scream? (If you don’t yell and scream, you probably didn’t grow up in a rageful household, lucky you!) What do you do to connect to Divine compassion and forgiveness, for yourself first, and for others?
  • When you are tempted to kick it all to the curb and leave, how do you re-ground, and re-center, and connect to your breath, to your courage?
    In your business, especially when you’re just beginning or in a revenue ebb, it can feel just too hard, and too scary. Same with your relationships, and your health and self-care. How do you make friends with what is?

The answer to all three of these questions, for me, starts with gratitude. Because of course.

When I can reconnect to gratitude, in this now moment, no matter what, I’m in a better place. Grounded, connected to the Divine, in acceptance. This allows me to see with love everything that is on my plate in this moment. Car accidents, chronic illness, the financial state of my business… all of it, yo.

I’d love to hear how this lands for you. I know, it’s a unusual set of concepts for me to discuss, but I’ve been feeling them in a deep way since I heard them, and I thought you might find this useful. Please do share what you think in the comments.

Responsibility » How do you respond to this now moment? And the next?

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The deeper meaning of responsibility

All these years, I’ve thought that responsible means accountable, trustworthy, reliable.

It does, I know, mean all of those things. But just recently, someone was talking about the meaning behind the meaning. The word responsible comes from the Latin (responsus) and French (responsable) words for answerable. How do you answer for your actions? How do you respond to this now moment, especially when it’s not going the way you planned for it to go?

birdsheartI’ve been sitting with this for a few days now, feeling how much a difference it makes in my relationship to what is when I can weave responsibility together with self-compassion. Can you feel the difference?

I’m responsible for this problem! I have to step up, show up, and fix it!

or

Oh wow. This is not what I was expecting to happen. [Gentle breath.] I will make time to let people know what’s going on and do what I can to get things back in order.

Think about it.

  • When you’re working on a project for a client, and something happens that affects your planned timeline (a technology fail, for example), when and how do you let your client know? What do you say?
  • When you’re looking at your finances—at your income and your expenses—how do you honor your obligations and your financial reality as it is? How do you find your balance when you’re being accountable for your money?
  • When it’s your planned time for your daily spiritual practice, how do you respond to the call to turn away from the world and toward spirit for the allotted time?

I’d love to hear from you. How do you respond to this now moment? What tools and practices do you rely on to allow ease and grace to accompany the powerful action of taking responsibility? Let me know in the comments right below the article.

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