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Resilience and love in the face of fear

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You’re hardwired for resilience.

Which is a huge comfort.

Trusting your innate resilience means you don’t have to struggle to change external circumstances in order to be happy, content, motivated, productive, and fulfilled.

Because life is hard sometimes. Life is hard often. Challenges. Obstacles. They keep coming.

How are you handling challenges and obstacles?

Life gets hard. Life gets scary.

  • I look at the seemingly endless stream of tragedies all over the globe and I despair.
  • I look at my currently shrinking client base and I get overwhelmed by my financial insecurities.
  • I wonder what I have to change, do, or overcome to have romance in my life.

resilience

And then I remember my true nature.

My true nature is love — juicy, meaningful, and fulfilling — and luckily, I live in a body that’s wired to return to love, again and again and again. You’re wired that way too. What a relief to know this!

“The price of our vitality is the sum of all our fears”
― David Whyte

I’ve been studying the Three Principles with a brilliant teacher, and soaking up this freeing knowledge. Today I came across a post about returning to love that reminded me of my own resilience and that I don’t have to do anything at all (except maybe to loosen my death grip on fear a little) to create the opening that allows me to return to love.

I like the idea that love and fear cannot coexist.

It’s true. When I reground and return to love, when I let my hardwired resilience do its thing, I can act instead of react.

  • I can finish my imperfect and incomplete new website and launch it (yup, I even have a launch date now!)
  • I can approach friends and colleagues and ask them to help me promote my new work.
  • I can even tell you that if you’ve been thinking about working with me, now is a wonderful time to begin — I have some openings in my schedule!

Resilience: you can think of it as returning to love, or you can think of it as remembering your true nature (as Mark Silver teaches — check out his free remembrance challenge).

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

When you remember and return to love, to your true nature, you’re making changes from the inside, and every change you make inside yourself affects your external reality. This is a much more peaceful and productive way to move through challenges and problems than sitting in fear waiting for external circumstances to change. That’s painful and doesn’t work very well because there are always circumstances!

Your theme for 2016 — are you open to receive?

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Sometimes the theme or focus for the year ahead comes from unexpected places or prompts —  Are you open to receive?

I decided early on as we ramped up to the Solstice that I would not choose a theme or focus for 2016.

I’ve done this before, and each time I did I found myself forgetting my theme / focus by the time February rolled around. So no, I wasn’t going to do this divination this year. Instead I did my Completion, Release, and Intention Workbook that I sent out to all my subscribers (still time! — you can get yours here if you haven’t already) and I settled into healing from the flu and then from laryngitis which turned into pneumonia.

But sometimes life and the Divine have other ideas.

Some pretty unexpected threads wove together creating the tapestry of backstory for my journey of discovery and divination. Here’s what happened:

The first thread in the tapestry:

One of the members of my healing team, a brilliant woo woo md, told me to start working on my power chakra. The context was my chronic digestive problems and the point was, I think, to stand sovereign in my own power around my health. I revisited my favorite chakras meditation, giving extra time and attention to the power chakra.

The next thread:

I read Catherine Buck Clarenbach’s post, in which she asked these questions, inviting her readers and me to ponder and answer any time from three days before the Solstice to the upcoming Full Moon:

  • What happens when you listen intently for your own wisdom?
  • If you practice divination, what does it have to say to you at this time?
  • As we pass the Solstice, what are the powers, the strengths you can imagine taking up again? What have you laid down in the past, what has rested, that now can be renewed?
  • Or what are new powers, powers of age or circumstance, you didn’t have before, that you hear turning over in the close and holy darkness of Earth?

Catherine’s questions lingered with me…. I didn’t come up with any answers, but the questions themselves were resonant.

And then this final thread wove itself into the tapestry:

I got sick again, this time with pneumonia, and a very lovely friend suggested we come up with questions around which we could each do some art. When she made her suggestion, I came up with my own version of Solstice/Full Moon questions, riffing on Catherine’s prompts I had read a few days before:

  • As we move into and through solstice, what is lighting up your heart? Or…
  • What strength and power is building in you to be expressed with the return of the light?

Which brings us to now. Above you can see the image I created.

Oh wait, even the image has a backstory.

The piece of paper I pulled out had some notes written years ago when I was in deep despair having finally realized that the $22,000 I had invested with yes-too-good-to-be-true scammers was gone gone gone never to return. The bit on the bottom is a third-person suicidal poem, and I guess that face is supposed to be my imagined corpse. I was going to turn the page over to paint on a clean white sheet, but felt driven to paint right over that deep despair.

The piece turned out to be a representation of my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chakras:

  • passion and health
  • power
  • love

I used colors that represent those chakras to me and painted hearts and flames.

And then I realized I had come up with my theme for 2016 (bypassing my mind and plans entirely). Passion, power, and love.

What have you been discerning without even trying? What is coming to you?

If nothing yet, spend some quiet time during the rest of this week — I’m guessing this invitation will stay wide open until at least Sunday (two days after the Full Moon) — and just ask.

Ask with art supplies. Ask with a candle. Ask with your camera. Just ask. You might be as surprised as I was to find that your theme and focus are already in your heart and ready for you to open to them.

Let me know what arises in your heart. A theme for the year? A theme for simply this turning of the wheel? I’d love to know; talk to me in the comments. Solstice blessings.

Saving my ass by telling the truth

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I learned a long time ago that I can’t save my ass and my face at the same time

So even though I would rather not reveal just how much I am capable of screwing up, and just how deeply I can dive into my anxiety and my chattering monkey mind, here goes….

Saving my ass

Saving my ass by telling the truth.

I slept about one-and-a-half hours last night.

  • I couldn’t stop thinking about the growing list of differences between me and my soon-to-be housemate. Thinking. Obsessing. Spinning. To the point that I was lying awake miserable about my certainty that I should never have signed this lease, and I was in for a miserable year.
  • I also couldn’t stop thinking that what started out as a feeling of community was turning into something else. Because I thought my housemate had negotiated something without telling me, I concluded that now she is showing her true colors and it’s everyone for herself.
  • I tried to relax, to ground myself in love, but I  just couldn’t. That question: “Is there room for love, even here?” rang hollow in my upset, self-pitying heart.

Not pretty. I know.

But I had to tell you. Because when I keep it to myself it just gets bigger. And louder. And worse.

What helped me restore myself (for now, anyway; I’m taking nothing for granted!)

  • I reached out to my sister. Lucky for me she’s in Israel, so at 2:30am here, I could get her on Skype and it was noon-thirty for her. She was loving and level-headed and didn’t judge me; certainly not as much as I judge me (and if she was horrified, she successfully kept it to herself).
  • I got on video call with my housemate this morning and revealed my anxiety. It was difficult, but very healing.
  • And I have let up on my tender self! Moving is hard hard hard! Thirteen boxes are packed, my house is already echoing, I have a month to go and probably another hundred boxes to pack. This shit is not for the faint of heart, and my heart went into a collapsed swoon last night.

I promised myself to keep this short today and try for a nap as soon as it’s done. I’m tired, and I certainly hope this article is coherent enough to be helpful to you. And of course I’d love to hear from you. Every comment and suggestion is so healing for me.

One more thing

Aquarius Full Moon on Friday at 3:43 am Pacific

You may have noticed that, for a while now, I’ve stopped writing my Full and New Moon posts every month. Turning my life inside out and planning this move has made me revisit a lot of my beliefs and routines. Although I still walk with the Moon, I also feel a big expansion in my approach to auspicious days to be grateful, or to be quiet, or to start something, or to end something. When something is ready to be started, or ended, or appreciated, any day is a good day to embrace the energy. Every day is a good day to be grateful. Every day is a good day to be your best self.

I am exploring this apparent contradiction, which doesn’t feel like a contradiction to me at all. You can help me by letting me know what you’d like me to include in my posts. I’ll take your requests into consideration as I continue to unfold and evolve.

This week’s Full Moon is the second Full Moon this month — what is called a Blue Moon. So if you feel it, take a look back and make note of what happened between the two July Full Moons.

  • What changes have you made?
  • What transitions have you weathered?
  • What audacious risks have you taken?

I think it will be about three years before the next Blue Moon month, enjoy it!

Love bombing, boldly and imperfectly executed

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lovebombLove bombing?

Yes, inspired by Fran Sorin — and modified by me — Love Bombing 2014 took place on Valentine’s Day, and it consisted of me handing out beautiful red roses to strangers around Oakland’s Lake Merritt, with each interaction captured on video by my volunteer videographer.

Bold?

You bet it was bold. Especially after the first two… I was turned down! The first two people I approached didn’t want to take a rose. I boldly kept going. Even though I was feeling daunted and self-conscious. I kept going, and it got to be so much fun!

Imperfect?

You bet my execution was imperfect! I forgot to tell my volunteer videographer to take horizontal videos, not vertical, never ever vertical! And here I am sharing my imperfect, bold, love-drenched beautiful interactions with you. As I’ve learned from my best teachers, as long as I’m in it, in action, in the game, I’m coming out ahead. Even if I fail, I’m failing in forward motion.

So even though the video is not what I wanted, even though…I’m sharing three of the short videos with you right here, and if you’d like to see the other four, you’ll find the playlist here.

 

 

I hope this lands for you, in you, in the way it was intended. This was an incredible experience, and I’d love to hear from you what brave, bold, expressions of love you’ve risked, perfectly, imperfectly, or anywhere in between. Please let me know in the comments!

 

And now for a little Sunday gratitude

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This Moon is an invitation to love, love and more love

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Full Moon in Leo

Friday 2/14/14
26º13′ Leo
3:53 pm Pacific
6:53 pm Eastern

I love February, and its emphasis on Love!

This is the third article I’ve written about Love this month, and it’s a theme I’m seeing everywhere. I shared my Self-Love promise with you here, and talked about how loving thoughts lead us to loving actions — and vice versa — here.

Now…We have a Full Moon tomorrow, right on Valentine’s Day. Nice!

Fiery Leo ignites passion, incites loving thoughts, words and actions. Don’t hold back. Let the love out — loud, proud, and unexpected! We’re inching closer to Spring here in the north, and in most places, even the coldest places, you can begin to see signs of new growth. The color red is everywhere: red roses, store displays, red buds on the swelling new growth on bare branches. So while it still may be gray, and cold, and even frozen, celebrate. Accept the invitation: wear red and gold in a mid-Winter fiery burst of self-expression. Give out flowers and Valentine’s cards. Give them to those you love, or even better, give them to strangers. Give love, get a smile!

springblossommoonAs you bask in the light of this Full Moon, and look back at the previous month, expressing gratitude for what has come to pass, and setting your intentions for the coming lunation, ask yourself:

  • Where is the romance in my life today; who’s cheering for me and urging me to shine my light?
  • What different forms can my romantic expression take? What am I called to express today?
  • Who and what kindles the flame of my heart, and how do I want to let them know?
  • How can I express appreciation for this flame I see and cherish in others?
  • How can I acknowledge and celebrate those who mean so much to me?

For your business

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Love starts with self-love

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Inspired by Christine Arylo’s Self-Love Tree

self-love-tree

Yes I am inspired!

Love is in the air! Being immersed as I already am in the theme of Love these days, I was an instant Yes when Christine invited me to write a blog post about the branch of self love I want to grow this year and come up with my self-love promise (and to invite you to make your own self-love promise; more details at the end of the post).

I want to grow in each of these branches, so I’m going to share something inspirational with you for each one.

I went and found quotes for each branch of the tree, words of wisdom to guide me as I grow in love. And reading through these words helped me come up with my promise.

My self-love promise: focus on the good; take exquisite care of myself; be of loving and sacred service with every thought, word and action — and have fun!

Acceptance

Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.
—William James

Care

We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.
—Swami Vivekananda

Ooh too many good ones, I’m sharing two!

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
—Buddha

Trust

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.
—Golda Meir

Awareness

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.
—Emily Post

One is definitely not enough here either!

Whether you call it Buddhism or another religion, self-discipline, that’s important. Self-discipline with awareness of consequences.
—Dalai Lama

Compassion and forgiveness

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
—Dalai Lama

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
—Mark Twain

Empowerment

Be of service. Whether you make yourself available to a friend or co-worker, or you make time every month to do volunteer work, there is nothing that harvests more of a feeling of empowerment than being of service to someone in need.
—Gillian Anderson

Honor and respect

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
—Socrates

Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.
—Laurence Sterne

Esteem

Self esteem comes from doing something and accomplishing something.
—Shari Lewis

Expression

A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears.
—Anne Roiphe

Pleasure

Close friends contribute to our personal growth. They also contribute to our personal pleasure, making the music sound sweeter, the wine taste richer, the laughter ring louder because they are there.
—Judith Viorst

How do these words land for you? What branch of the tree is going to get your feeding, watering, and nurturing this year? I  invite you to share your self-love promise with me, in the comments.

My self-love promise feels so good, I’m going to say it again!

My self-love promise: focus on the good; take exquisite care of myself; be of loving and sacred service with every thought, word and action — and have fun!

I want to invite you to join me (and Christine, and so many others!) as we blanket the world with love. You can do your own self-love pulse check and get the self-love promise kit right here.

 

Loving action improves thinking, loving thoughts lead to better actions

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It works both ways2-way-heart

I learned an important lesson a long time ago, in one of those church basements I’ve grown to know and love in my 12-step career. It was a critical piece of learning for me, because without it I was very stuck. Here it is:

Right action will lead you to right thinking a whole lot faster than right thinking will lead you to right action.

This was the exact teaching I needed to get my transformation started.

I didn’t know I could be a loving person. I didn’t know I had it in me to transcend that baggage I was carrying around: the grief, the regret, the disappointment…

But I got it that I could pretend. I could kinda trick myself into being a better person by doing better things. I glommed onto this “Acting as if” tool right away, and it may have saved my life.

It was not a requirement for me to believe in my own loving heart in order for me to write a gratitude list. It was not a requirement for me to know that I am a good person in order for me to do something for someone else.

And I did. When I began writing 15-item gratitude lists every single day, when I pulled things for which I could be grateful out of me, despite my negativity, a space opened up inside me, a softening around the crust of my heart.

When I began to do things for others, asked and unasked, I could actually feel new pathways being formed, pathways to and from a loving space.

Try this, it can (it will!) change your life.

  • For the rest of this month, write a gratitude list. Yes, the big one, with 15 gratitudes. Start each line with “I am grateful for…” and write 15.
  • Also, for the rest of this month, do something for someone else Every.Single.Day. When someone cuts you off on the freeway, blow them a kiss. Bring some food or blankets to the homeless if you have any nearby. Smile at the person ahead of you in the express lane at the market who has more than 15 items in her basket. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Tip more than usual at a restaurant.

I want to hear how this experiment goes for you. Let me know in the comments how it feels to open your heart through your actions!

But that’s not all. Remember, I said it goes both ways.

I used to be very absolutist about this, and say to my clients and friends and loved ones that “You can’t think your way out of this.”

I was wrong.

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Gratitude at the end of a beautiful weekend

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Getting used to happiness

Peeling away the layers of stuckness and allowing happiness and joy in. And out.

Last Wednesday, my friend and member of my Mastermind group, Sharon Rosen, sent out her weekly Mindful Moment newsletter, and in it she wrote:

This week, with great love and respect for whatever is going on in your life right now, I invite you to spend at least one day living and connecting with those you love as if you knew it was your very last day.

  • How would you act?
  • What would you say that you might not normally share?
  • What might you see/hear/sense/feel that you often are rushing too fast to experience fully?
  • What would your self-talk sound like?

What a perfect message for me to receive, especially last week. In this season of change, and growth, and renewal, I had the amazing experience of reuniting with a cherished friend, a sister of my heart, whom I hadn’t seen in at least fifteen years. And I had nearly given up. I had tried to reach her, couldn’t find a current phone number, and had sent two actual letters in the last couple of years, neither of which got a reply.

I didn’t know if she was sick, or if I had mis-addressed the letters, or if there was something I didn’t know that had estranged us. In the second of my letters to her I found myself saying how important it was/is to me to see her again while we can, while we are both alive, before our very last days had come and gone.

And I got to see her. And her husband. And her two beautiful daughters. And it was like we had seen each other yesterday. Or an hour ago. Or five minutes ago.

I’ll be honest with you. As a woman who has a recent relationship with happiness, and a persistent habitual relationship with my dark side, I don’t do wild happiness that well. Sadly, I’m so much more comfortable focusing on what I don’t have, what’s unavailable, and being contemptuous of what I have. Sigh.

The good news is, I am not stuck in that pattern any more. [Doing a wild happy dance in my heart.] Uncomfortable as it was, I showed up, fully present, to reuniting, loving and appreciating. It was wonderful. I think that daily (or nearly daily) meditation practice, and sinking into my heart on a regular basis, is causing big fundamental important juicy changes in me. For the better!

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One more powerful Solstice blessing for you!

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Blessings of the Solstice to you. Blessings of renewal, of rebirth, of the turning of the wheel.

Here in windy rainy northern California, today marks the turn of the wheel, the return of the light. And where there had been a feeling of contraction I welcome the feeling of release, of expansion. I for one celebrate each minute or two of additional light we get each day. Starting now.

Love Letters

The Solstice is a good day to release what’s complete and no longer serves. Early in 2012, some of my tribe (clients, subscribers) participated in a sacred Love Letter from Source working with me (more about how we did that, in a teleclass on International Self-Love Day, here). Each of them sent me a letter written to themselves from Source (the Goddess, nature, Spirit) congratulating them for all they’ve accomplished this year. Those letters are dated 12/31/12 and have been sitting on my altar in a sacred box all year, in envelopes addressed to the writers. I am mailing those letters back to each of those women today. Talk about release!!

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