Because of course.
Because when I stay connected to gratitude, I can keep moving through the fog and mist, I can (kinda sorta) embrace the mystery, I can surrender and I can be present.
It’s time for me to move from this place where I live and work, where I’ve been for eight-plus years. Although I didn’t choose this path, I am now so on it!
I don’t know where I’m going to end up, and that frequently (five or eleven times a day) fills me with stress and fear. I can’t see what’s going to happen. I am so far outside of my comfort zone!
One huge thing that grounds me in this now moment (and the next) is to connect with and express gratitude. Yes, even for this. Even though this calls for big-girl-panties gratitude. Gratitude even if. Gratitude no matter what. Conditional gratitude just doesn’t cut it in this situation. Actually conditional gratitude isn’t gratitude at all. As I keep learning, over and over and over again!
I have written about gratitude for years and years now.
I’d guess that almost half the posts in this blog are about gratitude even when things are tough (just two examples: here and here). And here I am again! Gratitude even if, gratitude no matter what. Sometimes the fog I think I’m in on the outside also fogs my memory. Gratitude? What are you saying?
Luckily I am easily reminded, and 99% of the time, I can turn on a dime and connect with my gratitude again.
Right now I have options, options I would never ever ever have considered.
- I can move into another unit here where I live in west Oakland, under a tenant who keeps the present occupants of the place I would take up every single night until past two in the morning. The owner says she will install soundproofing; the contractor says it could be about 50% effective.
- I can keep looking for a rental house with another woman business owner I have now known for about a month. And if we find one I will be living with another person for the first time in 15 years. And I barely know her.
- I can refuse to cooperate and get evicted (that might buy me another year, and that year of eviction will likely be very tense).
And then there’s this!
I invested in a relocation astrology reading yesterday. Two hours and a big chunk of dollars later, I am still shaking my head; I’m still stunned.
This is so not what I wanted to hear! Moses told me what another relo astrologer told me five minutes into a phone call — there is no place in California — and certainly not the Bay Area — that is good for me to live. Cluless me! I was hoping to hear something about how important it was for me to find a place close to the ocean. Or that I should move up north closer to the first-growth redwoods.
(Overly?) practical woman that I am, I was skeptical about this information until we talked about the dates. I moved to Oakland in ’05. I got sick with the first three-year round of this serious digestive disease within two months of moving here. This coincided with my mother’s death and I always have attributed my illness to my grief. There are stressors in my Oakland chart that make health, life, and business challenges even more challenging.
The only western hemisphere areas that ease up the stressors are Austin, Ciudad del Carmen in Mexico, Kauai, and Maui! Like I said, stunned.
I’m such a tough girl! I’m hearing all this, thinking “Well, these challenges haven’t killed me yet.”
But — this is the truth — my tender heart is wondering what it would be like to live in a place where I could experience more ease, fewer challenges. Where I could be of more service, have more ease in my relationships, and thrive thrive thrive!
Today, I don’t think I’m moving directly to Hawaii or Austin from this spot. Today I think that I’ll move from here to another local place, continuing to meet challenges with serenity as best I can, and start planning the next, more intentional move.
That’s what I’m thinking anyway (ahhh, thinking!). But I remember that I don’t have to think my way to the solution, and I don’t get to see today what’s beyond the fog and mist, what’s at the end of the endless flights of steps. I don’t know, and maybe I’m just not supposed to know. Maybe I’m just supposed to give thanks and keep moving. Who knows? I’m just walking in the mist, and climbing the steps, headed for the next place to live on the journey of my highest good.
How are you meeting challenges in your business? How are you staying open and present when the path is foggy and challenging? I’d love to know; please join the conversation in the comments.