It’s my mother’s birthday. Happy birthday mom. The picture is of her on her wedding day. Mom was born in 1926. I am Susan daughter of Trudy, Sarah bat Golda (in Hebrew). I feel my mother in my blood, in my pulse, in my heartbeat every day.
I felt her at my croning yesterday. I felt her at the beach yesterday morning when I was doing a ritual at the ocean. I see her every time I look in the mirror.
Happy birthday mom. Thank you for everything.
I am a grateful woman. As I sit in my grief for the ending of my love affair with Leila. We broke up on Friday and I have had quite a weekend of moving through sadness and tears.
There are many blessings and gifts from the last four months. I am permanently changed. I no longer believe the story that I can’t be a woman in a loving relationship. I no longer believe I’m too old to be sexually attractive. Uh uh. Those myths are pau. Gone. That’s a good thing.
I’m a crone. I have been through a powerful ritual where I was led through seven gates to the underworld, giving up my crown, my accomplishments, my creations, my mementos, my finery, my vision (to be blindfolded): dying to be reborn as the woman I get to be today.
I was surrounded by the women of the covens with which I work. And by my daughter. Who showed up in perfect love and perfect trust and was integrated and present and loving. And by visiting friends from Sacramento.
It was an awesome, deep, intense, reverent ritual. I am grounded in gratitude. Humbled and honored.
Although the grief continues to cycle through me, I trust I trust I trust and I know that all is unfolding just as it’s supposed to.