Today I am grateful. I am grateful for the appreciation I feel for my father. For his life. His love. His strength. His perseverance. His smile. His appetite. His smarts. (That’s my dad and me on the right.)
I am grateful for growing into being a daughter while he was still around. I am so grateful for the strength and willingness to set aside old hurts, expectations and resentments enough to become worthy of my family. I am someone who gives now; I don’t stand in that place of bottomless need any more (most of the time, anyway!).
I am very grateful for the strength to sit by his bedside and tell him it’s okay to go; that we’ll miss him but he doesn’t have to stay for us.
Yesterday my father didn’t speak at all. His mouth was opened in an “O” shape and he could only open his eyes for a second before closing them again. Read about palliative care and death in yesterday’s NY Times. Looks like he’s closer and closer all the time. So tough!
Moving on to how much life delights me today. I am so grateful for being the kombucha-making, sauerkraut-making gal that I am. I whipped up a new bunch of ‘kraut yesterday, with cabbage, and gold beets, and lots of fresh ginger.
It’s in a nifty ‘kraut-making jar I bought online, with an inner lid that sits upside-down and holds water, and an airlock that inserts into a hole in the outer lid to help keep everything submerged. This ‘kraut will be done in less than a week. Yum!
On its left is one of the three batches of ‘bucha I’ve got going in my kitchen today. I now have four gallon jars and just enough space on my counter to have them all going at the same time.
A true gift of my love affair with Leila, becoming even more fully self-expressed as a cook. I miss her so much in my life; I find myself wanting to delight her senses and to have her taste everything I make. And that’s just what I miss about her in the kitchen. Sad.
I am in a place of knowing, today, what I really want to do with the rest of my time in this life. I get it. I want to make cultured foods and drinks and herbal concoctions that heal and beautify. And make my living doing so. There, I’ve said it in print.
My prayer is for direction and guidance and ability to actually Get. It. Done.
I do not know how.
I surrender to the not knowing and open myself up to every suggestion and every mentor and every possible partner out there who will work with me to get this Labor of Love to the market. Profitably, in love and service.
So mote it be!
One more way life delights me today: I bought myself a dozen canning jars in three sizes: 4oz, 8oz, and pint. All wide-mouth. I feel absolutely rich. I probably have all the jars I will need for my personal use for the rest of my life. If I wasn’t a bit embarrassed, I would add a photo of the jars in my cupboard. I get giddy when I have clean jars to put away. This kind of thing gives me joy. Oh well. Now you know what a dork I am. I don’t care. I’ll take joy every single place I can find it.
I am blessed I am grateful I am delighted to be alive.