My sister Barbara had her bat mitzvah today. A beautiful wonderful event. I am so grateful that I was present. In my body. In my heart. In my spirit.
I am grateful that I said No to Rose this morning when she asked for money. Let me back up. I called her at 9am, knowing that I was reminding her because she tends to forget family events and invitations. She *had* forgotten. She told me there was no info on the evites; she told me I had told her it was next week. Then she told me she had to work and she couldn’t make it.
A few minutes later I called back to tell her that in fact she could make it; there was plenty of time. I hung up before she picked up. Realizing I was going to sound like a bossy nag.
She called back. Told me she would come if I gave her money to fill her gas tank. I said I couldn’t do so and she hung up on me.
She called back again. Said *You really can’t afford to lend me $15?* I said that she hadn’t asked for a loan but a gift, which offended her: *You’d really make me pay it back?* I finally said No, that I wouldn’t give her the money. I went on to say (and yes this was going too far; I think) that she had heaps of money last week and I think some of the choices she’s making aren’t very productive.
She hung up on me again. Sigh.
It’s hard setting limits. It’s hard saying No. It’s hard to watch her.
And she’s so much like I was. I blew off family and commitments all the time. For years. And how it’s rubbed off on my child!
Well I hope that somewhere my accountability and integrity have also made an impression on her and that someday she may in fact be so moved as to access that information.
For now, I love her and I let her go. Painful as that may be.
I am so grateful for Thursday night’s dancing. A night of soul/motown. Wonderful music. Great dancers. Perfection.
I looked at a rental today. I am starting to follow my nose rental-wise. Seeing what’s out there.
I am blessed. Life is good. Blessed be.