I’m grateful to be up and in life. I must admit I’m having a challenging time these days. And this being perceived as old is really starting to bug me. Some young guy offering me his seat on BART. A young sober woman asking me, over coffee, if I still worked. I don’t get it. I look in the mirror and I see the crone’s age and sag and lack of skin tone at the same time that I see myself as the virgin maiden I was in high school and the full tilt amazon drug addict I was and the recovering mother I became.
I know I know I know the wheel of life and yet and yet and yet I hate this part. I think it may be time for some support from my witch-sters as I continue to crone in this body. So that maybe it can feel less like a betrayal and maybe maybe maybe I can find a place to stand in empowerment.
Card of the day: Judgment. Consequences. A shift in consciousness. Which would be very welcome, thank you very much. I’d like to shift my consciousness out of the muck and pain of this last couple of weeks, since the caffeine detox began and since work has become slow. My consciousness-shifting isn’t working under my own power; I think I need a tow. Just sayin’.
I’m grateful to be willing to admit this. Every day — okay five days a week — I sit here and summon gratitude and with fierce determination state what’s positive. It is a way of prayer for me, to put out what I want as declarative affirmative statements. To refuse refuse refuse to complain. To refuse refuse refuse to stand in self-pity or give any strength or power to my shadow side. Not happening today. I need to be honest. Today. And to affirm and declare, anyway, that even when my shadow side veils me from head to toe, front to back and all around, I know I know I know that I am a child of the goddess and that I am whole perfect and complete just the way I am.
And so it is. Blessed be.