Something I was taught when I was a young member of a spiritual cult turns out to be a crock of shit. I was taught that by age 33 you will have experienced every feeling you will ever feel; after that age it’s all repeats. I can tell you today that that is totally not true. Today I experienced a new level of grossness. Today I experienced the most disgusting day of my life. Today I was actually standing in a river of shit (I can hear Tuli Kupferberg droning). I have now lived long enough to have had the pisspoor luck to experience a toilet overflowing and then having to clean it up. (A toilet full of poop. In case that wasn’t clear to you.) Well, I guess I didn’t have to clean it. I guess I coulda just left and never come back (my first thought). Instead, I cleaned. And cleaned. And cleaned. And my house still smells sewage-y.
And I am here to tell you that I have never experienced anything like this before. Or the feelings of utter disgust, helplessness and unbelievable desire for someone, anyone to take care of this for me. I thought 400,000 ants in my refrigerator was bad. Which was the grossest thing I had ever dealt with before this. (And that happened way after age 33 too.) Pshaw. Those ants were nothin’. Simply nothin’ by comparison.
So, Oscar Ichazo, you were wrong. You were so wrong. Life continues to have new and previously unimagined (unimaginable!) experiences in store for me. I guess that means it might even have unimagined pleasurable and wonderful and blissful moments coming. At this point, I’d take a sweet-smelling house.
Jeeze. Just sayin’…