…instead of holing up with a book, taking endless baths, or hiding out at the movies
Not to mention stress and its friends sleeplessness, pain, and lack of balance
Yes, I admit it. This journey of moving home and office has been a bit much for my tender diva please-don’t-ask-me-to-change-anything self. Yesterday I got my second load of donated boxes and packing materials and nearly every square inch of my front room is now filled with boxes.
Here’s how last week went.
Let’s start with the stuff that didn’t go so well, when I was wrapped in qualities of sorrow, fear, and pain.
I’ll keep this down to five things (TBH there’s much more than that to choose from!)
- I found my self-care slipping away. Eat an entire bag of cough drops like they’re candy? Yup. Stay up too late and get up too early? Yup. Worry much? Oh yes!
- I convinced myself that focusing on packing and moving would result in losing my clients and any chance of getting more of them. Yes, that’s always fun.
- As my to-do list began to grow and grow, I started to obsess about doing a perfect job of moving. Which makes me easily distracted and too easily irritated.
- Now that I have boxes, I started to get really sad about packing. How am I supposed to be able to thrive when my house is being dismantled and deconstructed?
- I couldn’t find any way at all to get started on the sales page for my new amazing retreat program. Sweaty and grimy from hauling boxes, I flopped into the belief that I couldn’t do it.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
I did some surrendering. I welcomed each of these dark thoughts, maybe not with laughter (see the poem), but with softening, and was able to shift some of these and welcome the qualities that support my ease, that allow me to be of service.
So here’s what shifted, and here’s what worked last week.
- Welcoming the darkness, and the sadness, changed everything for me. I was able to make some lovely shifts. Even though I am about to start taking down all the beautiful things that makes this place my home, and pack them away, I will do that from gratitude, and wonder, and be completely prepared to smile with delight when I get to unpack them again in their new home.
- I decided to take the sales page one week at a time. And to trust that the pace of my business development, glacial as it seems much of the time, is just where it’s supposed to be. I will try again next week to begin. And I will keep working on my clients’ new websites. And complete what’s needed on my to-do list so the move can happen in perfect time.
- I did unplug most of the weekend, and I went to my synagogue’s retreat, and I went on a date, and I showed up for my sister’s airport ride. I had fun, I laughed, I tiptoed into the mystery of getting to know someone new, I had some down time.
- I looked up on my walks, I expressed gratitude, and I listened to people. And when I noticed myself getting triggered, I worked on it. (My poor clients; my Jewish mother hen has been activated!)
- Even after the cough drops day, I was able to return to mindful and wise food choices. I embraced and continue to embrace my wild imperfections, and I dare to forgive myself!
So precious you, what do you think? Any other labels I should add to my boxes? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.