I’m on day four of 30 days of a cleanse
One that will help me learn how to be more mindful, and open to receive
To receive healing. To receive peacefulness. To receive wellbeing.
My journey, since I’ve been sick, has been a very active one. I am such a good doer! I have done so much, I have tried so hard to make healing happen. Cures, remedies, doctors, other doctors, woowoo practices and practitioners. Doing and seeking and trying with so much determination. So much chasing. Receiving—not so much.
When the calendar turned to May, and it became 18 months since this condition began, I found myself letting go. I found myself hearing an inner call to stop, to retreat from all the doing. To put the remedies, and the supplements, aside for a while, to slow down a bit, and to open myself up to hear, to feel, to receive.
What I’m finding is that by removing some of this doing, the connection to my own inner voice, my intuition, is becoming more open and more clear. And now that I’m open to receive, I’m downloading some pretty powerful messages.
Putting on my big-girl panties and facing what’s true
In my addiction, for 22 years, I chased my get-high 24/7. I was committed to doing everything I could to numb myself, to not feel, to be anything but present to the moment.
And then, 22 years ago, I got clean and sober, and spent much of the first ten years in a dumbfounded WTF state. It took me a long time to find a way to be in life that wasn’t agonized. And I’m seeing so clearly that just there are a whole lot of behaviors that I have not yet found the way to change, and release.
I get to change.
I choose to release.
I think I really really need to, that at this point, my life and ability to be of service, depend upon it.
I’ve been that one, the one who inhales her food, while watching tv, while playing a game on my iPad, while talking on the phone, while ironing.
And this cleanse I’m doing now, while it involves cleaning up my already clean diet, is really about adding an ingredient to my meals: Mindfulness.
I’m limiting my distractions to one at any meal. I can read a book. I can read or play on my iPad, or I can watch tv. One. (I still blanch when I think and write this!) And one meal a day, I go outside with my food, away from my books and tech toys, and eat in the garden. Watching the birds, the sky, the flowers and trees.
How do you bring mindfulness, peacefulness to your life? How do you receive healing? When have you stopped chasing a solution and instead opened to receive? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment, beautiful!
- I’m grateful that I have finally reached this place in my life, a place where I’ve finally learned what peacefulness, and receiving, and goodness, feel like, and I not only like those states, but want to cultivate them, in myself, for my own healing, and for what it makes me capable of giving to others in my work
- I’m grateful that it’s a gorgeous Saturday morning
- I’m grateful that I found a TaskRabbit to clean my car inside and out, for $20
- I’m grateful that I have the money to pay the $4,500 hospital bill that finally arrived, the one from my six hours in the ER last November, and that I can pay it this weekend
- I’m grateful that while it pinches and makes my heart hurt to write that check, I will write it with gratitude and humility
- I’m grateful, in fact, that it was only a six-hour hospital visit, and that I wasn’t sicker (wow, took me a long time to come around to that one!)
- I’m grateful for the plan to see my daughter tonight, for a belated Mother’s Day visit
- I’m grateful for my retreats recently. The day at Tomales Bay and Limantour Beach, Harbin Hot Springs last weekend, and another one coming up in Boonville, where I get to stay in my landlady’s house—what a gift!
- I’m grateful for acupuncture yesterday, and for the support I get there
- I’m grateful, too, for my WordPress Meetup group. They helped me change my user name from SueAdmin to Sue yesterday. And then recover my gravatar which temporarily disappeared! I love WordPress, and I love designing and making WordPress sites for my clients
- I’m grateful for my gratitude practice and what it has taught and continues to teach me