Here’s what I know: resilience is present even when you can’t feel it. #ReclaimResilience
You can #ReclaimResilience, you reconnect to it, you can even strengthen it…
…but you don’t need to build resilience or walk around believing that without big and sustained efforts you can’t have resilience at all.
I believe so much in innate resilience (in humans and maybe even gorillas too!) that much of my work these days that has #ReclaimResilience as a theme.
My relationship to resilience — my understanding of what it is and means — deepened and changed for me this year. Thank god!
had to got to move house and home (and the Magnolias West world headquarters) in the springtime this year. An unplanned, unwanted, and excruciating move. There’s a lot to that story; if you weren’t following along with my bumpy journey of this year’s relocation, you can do so here, here, and here.
I’m reading about resilience a lot these days. Because my friend Katharine and I are launching the Reclaim Your Resilience program in just a couple of weeks, I’m deep in the study of resilience, from a spiritual, psychological, and neuroscientific perspective. As usual, I disagree with about half of what I read, and am wildly grateful to read the other half.
“Did you once have a grand plan which has become obsolete and no longer serves you? If there are areas in your life which must change to help you create better results, a redesign may be in order. Consider going back to the ‘drawing board’ to deconstruct what isn’t working and start anew.” — Susan C. Young
This last move — 45 miles to Petaluma, a town I had driven through and spent exactly one evening in up to that point, a town where I knew no one in a new county with a new climate — it was huge, and everything was new.
As tough as the move was, it didn’t kill me. Like that sad gorilla in the photo, I was disappointed. I wasn’t looking to move. It was hard. I was sick — really ill. It took me months to find a place. More than a few possibilities that didn’t materialize. So many opportunities for growth. A long time ago in the 12-step rooms in Brooklyn, I learned a brilliant acronym for those gnarly growing edges: AFGO — Another Fucking Growth Opportunity. I’ve grown through this. We always do. If AFGO stood for literal physical growth, I’d be 90 stories tall and maybe that wide by now.
Whatever doesn’t kill me…
I got here in April fully aware that “back to the drawing board” was already happening, and had to continue happening. The whole process: having to pack, and downsize, and search, and downsize some more — releasing much of my lovingly curated possessions and giving my daughter some of her legacy while still alive to see her interact with it. The move also forced me to look at my financial reality in ways I had been avoiding as skillfully as possible, but no longer could when researching moving expenses (another denial system failure!). All these awarenesses and realizations played a part in driving me back to the drawing board. (A now-imaginary drawing board as my beautiful handmade drawing table didn’t survive the move either, but I digress, sorta).
I had help, I asked for and got help. Not packing help so much, more like helping me eat (I barely ate for over ten weeks), and generous moral support during the bad days (they were mostly pretty bad days!), critical help.
I still don’t know for sure how I survived. #ReclaimResilience
I landed in Petaluma and rethought everything.
Magnolias West has been a virtual (location-independent) business for decades.
Before this move, I rarely went to live-and-in-person business events. I certainly didn’t create any. Magnolias West was all about online marketing and word of mouth referrals. Which wasn’t working.
- I didn’t run face-to-face groups, but I do now! I have created the WiseWomen in Business Petaluma group with 111 members who gather once a month to make connections, support and illuminate each other. And then there’s the Reclaim Resilience What’s Stopping You? salon that meets in my home once a month for women who are navigating transitions, challenges, and dark nights of the soul showing up and who want support.
- I now speak and present at other conscious business events besides the ones I run. I have an in-person presence in the world now, and I’m surprised to say I love it a lot more than I ever thought I would.
- And because I love online communities — creating and facilitating, holding space for my sisters who want and deserve support as they go, I’ve joined up with my friend Katharine Wismer to launch the Reclaim Resilience tribe, which begins November 1st!
Same theme. Same topic. Different methods of delivery, and slightly different lenses.
Because I know in my heart that those dark nights of the soul are too big to go through alone.
Survival in grief, even eventually building a new life alongside grief, comes with the willingness to bear witness, both to yourself and to the others who find themselves inside this life they didn’t see coming. Together, we create real hope for ourselves, and for one another. We need each other to survive. ― Megan Devine