Resilience and love in the face of fear

You’re hardwired for resilience.

Which is a huge comfort.

Trusting your innate resilience means you don’t have to struggle to change external circumstances in order to be happy, content, motivated, productive, and fulfilled.

Because life is hard sometimes. Life is hard often. Challenges. Obstacles. They keep coming.

How are you handling challenges and obstacles?

Life gets hard. Life gets scary.

  • I look at the seemingly endless stream of tragedies all over the globe and I despair.
  • I look at my currently shrinking client base and I get overwhelmed by my financial insecurities.
  • I wonder what I have to change, do, or overcome to have romance in my life.


And then I remember my true nature.

My true nature is love — juicy, meaningful, and fulfilling — and luckily, I live in a body that’s wired to return to love, again and again and again. You’re wired that way too. What a relief to know this!

“The price of our vitality is the sum of all our fears”
― David Whyte

I’ve been studying the Three Principles with a brilliant teacher, and soaking up this freeing knowledge. Today I came across a post about returning to love that reminded me of my own resilience and that I don’t have to do anything at all (except maybe to loosen my death grip on fear a little) to create the opening that allows me to return to love.

I like the idea that love and fear cannot coexist.

It’s true. When I reground and return to love, when I let my hardwired resilience do its thing, I can act instead of react.

  • I can finish my imperfect and incomplete new website and launch it (yup, I even have a launch date now!)
  • I can approach friends and colleagues and ask them to help me promote my new work.
  • I can even tell you that if you’ve been thinking about working with me, now is a wonderful time to begin — I have some openings in my schedule!

Resilience: you can think of it as returning to love, or you can think of it as remembering your true nature (as Mark Silver teaches — check out his free remembrance challenge).

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

When you remember and return to love, to your true nature, you’re making changes from the inside, and every change you make inside yourself affects your external reality. This is a much more peaceful and productive way to move through challenges and problems than sitting in fear waiting for external circumstances to change. That’s painful and doesn’t work very well because there are always circumstances!

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I’m a barely tamed hippie, sage, seasoned, sarcastic (not all the time any more, but still). I’m a mom, a daughter, sister, a neighbor, and a friend. I’ve been on this meandering journey — like you, probably — seeking a better connection to and experience of peace, harmony, and fun in every bit of life. I’m single, quite good at it, and mostly love it. I’m here for the conversations I get to have with you, which these days center on exploring the mystery and beauty of life, work, health, aging, and creative expression. Want to know a little more about me and my journey? Explore the site. Read the blog. Connect with me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and LinkedIn.

Join the conversation!

  1. Hi Sue,

    Thank you for sharing the link to my post. I love what you’ve written here! So beautiful and concise. With love and light, Louise x

    • Louise, welcome here, and thank you. I think you saw the post before it was finished. It’s done now (just added the graphic).

      Thanks for inspiring me today!


  2. We are so in sync with our posts this week Sue…and yes love and fear cannot exist in the same space as love always prevails as a higher vibration. Here’s to love and being love amabassadors

    • Debra, I love that synchronicity myself. Honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in the light of love.

      Blessed be.

  3. Ah, yes. Returning to love no matter what the circumstance. Love that.

    I think fear can be useful (and even joyful if we like scary movies and roller coaster rides) — but these days we let fear take over — even when it’s unwarranted. We need to bring some balance back by letting our hearts lead the way.

    • Lea, welcome!

      I don’t like scary movies or roller coasters, so I’ll go with returning to love again and again.

      Heart forward, that’s a beautiful image. Thank you.

      Love and magic,

  4. I love this, Sue: “This is a much more peaceful and productive way to move through challenges and problems than sitting in fear waiting for external circumstances to change.” As always, I adore your honesty and admire the way you are riding this bucking bronco called “life as it is right now”. I hope life settles into a smooth canter for you. I know it will if you keep control of the reins in this loving way! xo

    • Reba, I’ll take a canter, but I’ll admit I never sat a horse smoothly in my life. Always bucking up and down (ouch!). I am thoroughly ready for this to change.

      Love and gratitude for you,

  5. Hi, Sue, thanks for this article! We are all feeling the fear of the tragic world happenings and the political hype that depends on fear. So easy to drown in the mess, feeling alone and helpless. Then we read articles like this and realize there is a web of love being spun out into the world by each one of us. The threads of this love web are stronger than the hate and war and terror. Love is our true nature and out resilience! Thanks.

  6. Great post filled with passion and willingness to be who you truly are Sue. Yes we are resilient and it’s often through adversity that we come to know the true power of who we are as we discover that love is without limit. ~ blessing Pauline

    • Pauline, yup, those lessons learned through adversity can really forge and temper magnificence. In Brooklyn I learned one name for lessons like this: AFGO — Another Fucking Growth Opportunity.

      My heart to yours,

  7. I hate fear, Sue, and prefer to love and accept the situation the way it is so I can move forward in positive motion. If I see fear creeping up on me, I confront it and take its sting away.

    I do love the way you’ve reframed your fears for more positive action. More power to you and your resilience skills!

    • Vatsala, I don’t feel skillful at all at resilience. Where I am developing a wee bit of skill is in resisting getting in my own way and making things worse, and believing the negative shit I hear in my head. Now that’s a skill set!


  8. Appreciating this, “I can approach friends and colleagues and ask them to help me promote my new work.” Just be prepared when they don’t reply….or help.

    • Lore, ouch. Sounds like you’ve had your share of asks ignored or refused. But you made the ask, that’s the good news!

      I find I have more ease if I don’t prepare to be ignored or turned down. Instead I prepare to be happily helped. And then I trust the universe, and even more, I trust that the outcome is already written and all I have to do is make the request. Sometimes that is so hard! But worth it, always worth it, IMO.

      Love and laughter,

  9. “Loosen the death grip on fear.” Yeah. That.

    Did you ever notice that, in the throes of some crisis, our human nature tends to glom onto it? e.g. “MY anxiety,” “MY failure,” “MY cancer.” Loosening the death grip and changing up the language sure helps me move back to center a bit more quickly. I like it better here. <3

    • Andrea, Oh yeah, I’ve noticed that crisis-glomming once or twice 🙄

      Here’s another goodie I heard in 12-step: Give me a rut and I’ll decorate it.

      Like that.

      My heart to yours,

  10. Beautiful, Sue! I love the idea that we’re hardwired for resilience. When I think about it, that’s so true for me. I’ve been through a lot, but I keep going. And it feels good to remember to return to love.

    • Sandra,

      I’ve been inspired by the resilience you’ve shared in the past, and I’m so grateful for our sisterhood. Even though we’ve never met f-t-f, I feel like we have shared support, empathy, sisterhood — and isn’t that wonderful!

      Love and light,

    • Julia, sisterhood. Glad to stand shoulder to shoulder with you wrapped in and leading with love.


  11. ‘I like the idea that love and fear cannot coexist.’ I think somehow we know this, deep inside and we let it pop out from time to time and that is what keeps us going on self discovery, self love, self worth, the journey of self.

    • Roslyn, it’s a beautiful journey and I’ll take it (bumps and challenges and all) over the alternative, any day. “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Agreed.


    • Kimba, nice one. I’d join in with you for this mantra, except my August theme is already “the website launches on 8/31!” Pretty narrow focus right now.


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