Celebrating, and sharing gratitude with you…
- I am so grateful to be celebrating 23 years clean and sober this month. In recovery, I was told I only had to do two things: stop getting loaded and change everything. Happy to say that (finally!) everything has changed, and while I’m still a work in progress, I feel transformed from the inside out. Phew! Y’all don’t know how lucky you are that I am not the woman I was. Today I’m not lying, stealing, or manipulating, and that’s cause for happiness all around, right?
- Happiness. I have so much gratitude for happiness. My concept and definition of happiness has changed over time and that’s a good thing. When I was loaded, and lying, and stealing, and manipulating, I was chasing happiness, for sure, really all I ever got was a temporary reprieve from bitterness and disappointment. It’s very very different now.
- I am grateful for celebrations. Boy, celebrations sure have changed! Part one of my anniversary celebration: I spent the day with a friend, seeing the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit at the deYoung, having dim sum at Ton Kiang, and walking Baker Beach in unusual warm sunshine. Part two: made dinner for my sister and brother-in-law, and then played May I (my grandma’s progressive rummy game) for hours.
- I’m grateful that I’ve learned how to feel blessed by what is, to thrive where I’m planted, to appreciate and show the appreciation. Honestly. These are all lessons I had to learn. I now know how to say “How are you?” back to someone in conversation (although there’s still an uncomfortable lag sometimes…this shit takes time!). I now can talk to you one-on-one in a crowd without looking over your shoulder for someone better to talk to. I now actually accept many invitations and show up, instead of ending my interaction at the point where I’ve received the invitation. Which, in the past often included me angling for the invitation, because I desperately wanted to be wanted. But then when you wanted me, I blew you off, because you wanted me. Oy. Exhausting.
- I know deep gratitude for every lesson I’ve learned, and everything I’ve released, has brought me to this place, to this now moment, to being able to be of useful service to any woman who wants her business to be a integrated, joyful reflection of her sacred mission and purpose (rather than feeling like it’s stress and drudgery); who wants to be able to sustain it in a way that sustains her beautiful heart and soul.
- I’m grateful for opening. Even when it makes me vulnerable. Spring came an unexpected heart-opening attraction this year. In my goofy, kind of embarrassing way, I fell for a friend. Exhilarating to be in that energy again. Fun to flirt. Exciting. Sadly, not reciprocated. But I made three wishes for heart opening, for love, for juicy connection. Now I can let go of the pursuit but hold on to that open-heartedness. The rest: where, when, how: not my job, yo.
- Lastly, I’m grateful for my daughter and for the relationship we both have worked so hard to achieve. We spent the day together yesterday, checking out a new coffee shop, walking the farmer’s market, working in my succulent garden, going to see The Lego Movie, and going to my AA meeting together. What I noticed is that I’m no longer exhausted by my interactions with Rose, I’m no longer tensing up waiting for anger or conflict to arise. This is a huge huge huge change, a blessed relief and 100% awesome!
What gratitude comes up, what gratitude would you like to share? Talk to me in the comments, beautiful!