I was delivered an unexpected blessing today:
I have the time and means to do what needs to be done
My amazing chiropractor looked me in the eye at the end of my healing session today and told me what she sees: A resourced, competent woman who — now that the buyout agreement is signed — has the time and means to find the next right place to live with ease and with grace. My shoulders sank a bit (instead of being up around my ears), my tight chest opened like a lotus, and I breathed my next breath differently than I had been — for days and days. I remembered that all is already well, and that I can enjoy this journey.
“No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth.”
― Martha Beck
I’ve been struggling and so stressed as I moved through this journey of first learning that I have to move and then negotiating the buyout with my landlady (in case you’re new to the story, you can read more here, here, here, and here).
Even though I was able to stay outwardly calm, what I’m owning up to today is that I reacted inside. I got more and more fearful and more and more stressed. It showed in my body — recurrence of my digestive symptoms and joint pain. It showed in my inability to sleep well.
The first thing that’s helping to bring me to healing is realizing that I now have a very favorable signed agreement that allows me up to six months to find a beautiful place to live. I am no longer paying rent, which will help me with moving expenses, and the sooner I find a place, the more I will receive as a buyout. This is very good! All I need to do is to finally sever the cords that are holding me in fear and resentment that this is happening at all.
I am grateful to remember what is true, and to invite love, even here, even now, even when things are uncertain.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”
— Brene Brown
My version of running away from what is keeps me stuck in resentment and disappointment. So stuck, I forget to breathe. So stuck I forget to use the powerful tools I have learned (and that I teach!) that allow me to remember that there is room for love in any situation. So frickin’ stuck I forget that I am wrapped in the love and safety of the Divine. I forget to be grateful!
So, right here and right now I own this. I own this moment in my story. I own it radically, knowing that even if I didn’t get this really wonderful agreement signed I’d still be okay, just fine, good to go. It’s my story, these changes — like all changes — are gifts full of opportunities for me to be my best self. I am standing tall (and breathing! and grateful!) in my story just as it is.
I am grateful because I remember that I am loved and held and safe and that there is much fun to be had as I write this next chapter of my life.
Everyone is flailing through this life without an owner’s manual, with whatever modicum of grace and good humor we can manage.”
— Anne Lamott
I know that I do have an owner’s manual now, a beautiful one that contains all the wonderful teachings I have been lucky to learn along the way. What keeps me flailing is that I keep forgetting I have this manual! When I get scared enough, or stressed enough, I seem to forget everything good and hold on tight instead to my agonies. Well, today I have stopped flailing and have returned to my sovereign self. I have remembered what is true and released for the moment those thoughts that will (no joke) kill me if I let them.
I am grateful to feel ease and relaxation and openness as I take the next steps on this journey.
What helps you when things are challenging? When change of the unexpected and uninvited variety comes to you and to your business? What do you do to regroup and reground?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
Full Moon blessings to you! May the Capricorn Full Moon shine brightly upon all your work and projects.
I for one am very grateful for this energy, as I have plenty and more plenty to do in the coming months. Yes, I did not do my usual Full Moon post this time; please forgive me!