I have a mind full of expectations and it hurts.
My mind tells me I should do better, know better, be better — I can’t live up to these insane expectations and I disappoint myself over and over again. These expectations do nothing but cause pain.
Here is my top ten list of current expectations and disappointments. Ugh.
10. My revenue hasn’t increased to the goal number I set at the beginning of the year.
9. I haven’t launched my Deep Dive retreat yet; it’s written, beta tested, I have rave reviews, and all I need is the sales page, which I cannot seem to put together mid-move. What is wrong with me?
8. I’m reacting to the move with sleeplessness, exasperation, and impatience. I should be handling this so much better. I should be rising above my sadness, regrets, and fear — I teach this stuff!
7. I’m not getting rid of enough stuff as I pack, and I’m certainly not packing fast enough.
6. I’m worried about living with someone after living alone for so long. Many habits will have to change, starting with how I get up in the morning: my tried and true method of setting the stove timer as an alarm which forces me out of bed just won’t work any more, will it?
5. I’m scattered; I’m starting to misplace stuff as I pack. I should be much better at keeping track of stuff even through this major life change.
4. I don’t know how to handle myself around being attracted to someone. I expect myself to be cool and sophisticated. I am so not!
3. Moving to a house with a stove that doesn’t have a power burner and a wok burner means I have moved down in the world.
2. Same stupid story as #3 about moving from these blond bamboo floors to shiny pergo floors.
1. I’m too fat! I certainly should have dropped the extra pounds that have attached themselves to my midsection by now (why yes, even in the middle of a move I always have time to worry about how I look).
Who says any of this is true?
What am I doing and believing when I have these expectations and judgements of myself?
My thoughts are inspired by my friend and mentor Molly Gordon. She talks about expectations and how they keep us from being present simply with what is. Her eloquence and grace about this as she traverses her journey of a cancer diagnosis and mastectomy is powerful. You can see a recent video where she talks about this right here.
The only thing I know how to do is to turn these expectations into loving and compassionate affirmative statements. Let’s start at #1 and work down the list.
1. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am healthy. I take excellent care of this body, the vehicle of my consciousness and my loving heart.
2. Pergo floors = easy upkeep, and I don’t have to deal with carpet.
3. I love to cook on gas stoves, and I can make this one work for me.
4. I know how to be transparent and tell the truth, which I am doing and which is being well received.
5. Moving is hard! I am showing up for change and uncertainty and while I may lose track of things as I go, I can keep going.
6. I know I will find a way to wake up without hitting a snooze alarm. I trust myself.
7. I am a well-trained declutterer, and I keep decluttering and releasing as I go, here and in my new home.
8. I am gentle with myself, I take care of myself. I maintain balance and restorative self-loving thoughts and activities. I sleep well.
9. My clients are ready and waiting for me, and the work of the sales page proceeds with ease.
10. I am fed, housed, and my needs are met. I am well compensated for my work, and I thrive.
Can you relate? Did I miss anything?
Jump into the comments; let’s talk!